Is nursing for me?

Or am I just kidding myself?

I’m in a crisis. See, I don’t even know if I’m sure with the path that I’m currently taking, and for me, SHIFTING will never be one of my options. I don’t know. I mean, sayang ang time, ang effort, and money. Hindi naman ako pumasok ng nursing just because of the fad. Noon pa naman gusto ko na ‘to, pero parang nag-sisink in sakin ngayon na mukhang mas matimbang ata yung mga language and communication courses na gusto ko sanang kunin. Gusto ko naman talagang mag-masscom pero sabi nga naman nila, mahirap maghanap ng trabaho. So, okay, cancel na lang yung choice na yun.

Minsan, iniisip ko nga eh kung ano ang buhay ko ngayon kung masscom yung kursong kinuha ko. Mas magiging masaya ba ako? Mas mag-eenjoy ba ako? O papangarapin ko rin na sana nag-nursing na lang ako?

Di ko naman kinakahiyang aminin na nahihirapan na ako sa kurso ko. Kung sabagay, ano nga ba naman ang kursong madali? Lahat naman ata ng kurso eh pinaghihirapan upang makuha mo ang diploma. Pero, teka, balik nga muna sa kwento, mukhang off topic na ako. Pero, yun na nga, ang hirap ng lessons ko. Sa totoo lang, nosebleed na nosebleed na ako siguro nga wala na akong ilong eh, nadala na sa daloy at malakas ng agos ng dugo tuwing may quiz kami o exam.

Di ko naman talaga iniisip ang mag-shift. Ayoko kasi maging irreg na studyante. Marami kasi akong kilala na irreg na talagang hirap sa mga sched nila. Ngee. Goodluck na lang. Ang hirap ata ng taong nursing ang course tapos irreg. Isa pa, sinumulan ko na ‘to, kaya dapat tapusin ko na lang. Magtitiis na lang ako. Matututunan ko naman siguro itong mahalin pagdating ng panahon. (huwaw. ang keso.)

Pero, bumabagabag rin sa isip ko kung kelan ko ma-rerealize na para talaga ako sa kursong ito. Kung ano man ang na-realize ko, o kung meron man akong na-realize, eh sa susunod na kabanata na lang..

It’s been a year since…

I got my heart broken..

You’ve made me stronger though

I’m trying. Can’t you see?

THERE’S NOTHING MORE I COULD ASK FOR, BUT SIMPLY LET ME BE ME.

I thought this happiness was going to last. Thing is, I know I have grown to be a happier person. To have a positive outlook in life. To start anew. But then, it’ll all still come to an end.

Being the “rebellious” one was not an easy choice. It was the only choice I had.

Quote and quote because I never was a rebel. You guys only think I WAS. Could you read my mind? NO.

As you can see, I am happy. Well, let me rephrase that for you.. HAPPIER. HAPPIER because I never wanted to be as dull as I was before. Happier because I started to be open. HAPPIER because I feel free due to my freedom to talk, to share, to laugh and to stand up for my rights. Yes, I practiced my assertiveness.

Thing is, you always say I was DULL. I was lonesome. I was slowly doing things my own way, having my own world, being happy ONLY WHEN MY FRIENDS ARE AROUND. Haven’t you asked yourself why I act as such? Haven’t it crossed your mind that you did something wrong? Or you GUYS did something wrong? You’d always consider your side, but what about mine?

And now, I thought things was better, but you push me to the past. So what’s it gonna be? Do you want me to return to the OLD and DULL me? Well, fine with me. I won’t be the one suffering anyway. It will be you. BEING TOO HONEST EH? Then, I’ll show you HONESTY too.

And yes, I’m done ranting. I shall cry myself to sleep.

Lahat Bago

 Lahat magiging bago.. And I’m referring to COLLEGE LIFE.

Shh. 2 weeks to go before my classes starts. Sa June 16 na and I can’t wait. Alam ko di magiging ordinary day yun since hindi naman magiging ordinary ang feeling ko. Unlike when I was still in highschool, the only exciting day was my first day in Highschool as a Freshman. At 2 weeks from now, I’ll be a Freshman again. College nga lang. Lahat naman siguro satin eh kinabahan nung first day nila sa college kasi siyempre totally different na. The teachers will be different, perhaps more “weird” classmates, and yeah, no permanent classmates. Unlike nung nasa gradeschool ako, di naman talaga ako ganun ka-excited tumapak sa highschool kasi hindi naman ganun ka-different.

No medication

 The doctor didn’t advice any slimming medicine.

Why? Because he said that I’m too young for that thing. Okay, so this is prolly my 3rd post regarding my weight problem. I’m actually happy that I’m now an “overweight” rather than the usual me being an ooo.. obb.. obbee.. obese. There, I’ve said it. (It’s hard to spell it out. Pfft!) I really really have a slow metabolism, that’s why I gain excess fat easily.

Reminiscing Childhood

 I miss my childhood days.

I’ve always been a happy kid. I wasn’t spoiled, but I get the stuff I want by doing something good in return. When I was younger, home, friends and school were the problems on my list. Home, because I always wanted my parents to be happy. Friends, because through them, I feel that I belong. Home, because it was a place safety, a place of happiness. When I was a kid, I always do my best in school to get an honor card. Because that honor card is my ticket to buying the stuff that I’ve been eyeing on.

The Backspace Button

 If only life had a Backspace Button, things might become easier.

Have you ever had that feeling wherein you have done something terribly wrong but you can’t ever take it back or do something about it? And how you wish that your life had a Backspace button to undo that bad thing? I guess we all do, but lucky for those who never had any regrets all their life.

Coincidence Much?

 My Friendster Horoscope made my jaw drop.

 

Okay. I’ve been feeling low for the past few days. It’s also the reason why I created a very emo poem. I haven’t checked my friendster account for like two days already. Ever since I started blogging, I didn’t really gave too much attention to my friendster account anymore. So I opened it awhile ago and I checked my horoscope. I’m usually not the type of person who believes in horoscopes. For me, horoscopes are just guides and probably advices. I’m fond of reading horoscopes but I want to read them at the end of the day to see if what’s written did really happen, and sometimes, it does happen, and my horoscope for today was really an impact because it totally was what I’m feeling since yesterday.

Bakit?

       BAKIT?    

by: TRISHIE B.

 

Di ko alam kung bat ganito,

Kailangan ba talagang masaktan ako?

Kung kelan tumino,

saka nabigo..

Ang lupit nga ng mundong nagbabago.

 

Nagtatanong kung san nagkulang,

nagtataka sa sinapit na karanasan,

bakit nagkaganito?

bakit biglang nagbago?

 

Ikaw ang kahinaan ko,

halos ibigay ko lahat sa iyo,

bakit ba di parin yun sapat?

ano ba talaga ang dapat?

 

Nandyan ka para sakin,

lagi ka nasa aking piling..

pero bakit ang puso mo ay di ko na maangkin?

 

Ako’y gulong-gulo.

Bigla kang naglaho.

At sa iyong pagbabalik ay walang nagbago,

pwera na lang sa puso mong di ko na matatago.

 

Bakit siya ang karapatdapat?

Bakit sa kanya ka naging tapat?

Paano na akong nag-sakripisyo?

Sabi mo mahal mo ko, pero ang natanggap ko ay puro perwisyo.

 

Hindi ko naman sinisisi lahat sayo.

Malamang may ayaw kang ginawa ko.

Pero gusto ko lang na malaman mo,

kahit nagmukha akong tanga sa kakahabol sayo,

gusto parin kita, kahit sinaktan mo ako.

I got goodies!

 I’m so glad. My bestfriend is home and she bought me some goodies!

I always wanted receiving “pasalubongs”. I mean, somehow, for me, it’s a symbol that the person who’s miles away is thinking about you that’s why he/she decided to give you some goodies from where he/she stayed. Besides, there are just some goodies that are only available at certain places just like what my bestfriend had with her.